Jeff Thelen |
On my mind
The words I spoke hurt again. In a second. one statement. kills. immediately a smile turns to a look of biting pain. a conversation turned sour. a sunny sky blackened. words. words. they are just words. or thoughts. thoughts pronouced. thoughts spoken aloud to be shared. not to burden. not to create tension... but to understand. so you see me. the true me. the way I think. but I think that I can't be me. I can't say the things I want to. and why do I have to... I don't. why then the desire for someone to know me completely. I just want someone to know my every thought. to share my life. to love me and know me. I want you... you to know me. so I am honest and then... you are quiet. silence. the stab from the noiseless reciever puncturing slowly deeper into my heart. how can I change... do I need to change... is it about change... am I different then you thought. are my thoughts too much to comprehend. why do I say these things? Why do I think these things? I just do... and it is me. But these are just thoughts.... only chemicals in my brain moving information. ugh. I am so happy. so different. but still things are the same. I accept me, but perhaps I am what I thought from the beginning. I love so many people. my family. my friends. people I don't even know their names. The problem perhaps in not me... but my distance from the creator. the one who taught me to love. the one who lived ultimate love. the one who is pure love. I'm still trying to be poetic. why. this is poetry but it is also pure thought. the problem inducing act of thinking. coherence. And now I am sharing with the world. for somebody to tell me. .. something.... to not be quiet.... to hate (which is ok).... to love (which is ok) ... to be sad (which is ok)... to be happy(which is ok)... to run screaming, but not silently... ok? yes, thoughts. hurting. I'm sure i've done this today. right now. right here. you are hurt. That wasn't my intent. talk. sing. scream. dance. smash. plow. crunch. hit. stomp. throw. bounce. jump. because sitting and being quiet is for when things are good. when nothing needs to be said... when the world sems happy and the stars smile and the river flickers... that is where I want to be... with you... and we can be silent.
0 comments
Tuesday, April 19, 2005
0 Comments:
Post a Comment |
AIM: |
| ATOM, RSS .9 and 1.0... I've got them all in one
for my blog: for my poetry: and a podcast: |
|
March 2004 April 2004 May 2004 September 2004 October 2004 November 2004 December 2004 February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 September 2005 November 2005 February 2006 March 2006 June 2006 |
